to-master-another-is-to-lose-them

# To master another is to lose them Treat a person as a problem and you can solve them; treat them as real and you never will. The having mode wants the other categorized and consumed, an it to be used. Love runs the other way: it wants the other to stay a mystery, to keep becoming someone I have not finished meeting. The moment I am sure I have you whole, I am looking at my picture of you, and the bond goes slack. The real is inexhaustible, and the other is real. So right relationship is not arrival; it is a love that keeps the other larger than my grasp. Related: [[truth-is-a-person-not-an-idea]], [[intimacy-is-mutual-exploration-of-a-shared-safe-place]], [[relational-being-has-three-modes]]